Single's Line: Road Trippin

Cheech and Chong, Thelma and Louise, Jack and Kerouac—all the greats have set out on the open road looking for adventure. So hop in your car and head to the high country because taking your snowboarding on the road can be a trip, man.

PACK IT UP, PACK IT IN
A fully loaded vehicle is more tempting to thieves, gets terrible gas mileage and, above all else, is less comfortable. One should always pack light or at least pack smart. If you are already wearing jeans, then don’t bring any other pants. As for other essentials, grab bottled water, road flares, a shovel, sunglasses, waterproof matches, toilet paper, bug spray, kitty litter for slick surface traction, bikini wax to alleviate slick surface traction, waterproof mascara, baby wipes, bowie knife, billy club, brass knuckles, satellite phone, extra blood, home brewing kit, passport, hair dye, rubber chicken, safety pins, spare tire, snow chains, etc. Oh, we almost forgot beef jerky! It is a little known fact that beef jerky was invented by the Israelites to sustain them on their road trip out of Egypt.

Keep your car clean. This is key if you want to score with any coed hitchhikers. Simply put, a dirty car betrays a dirty mind. And it also attracts bears!

Investing in some sort of roadside assistance membership is money well spent. Having to cold call a towing service can drive a person to drink. So look at it as AAA or AA.

There is no hard and fast rule as to how many people you can include in a road trip. The more the merrier so long as there is enough space and they each adhere to basic hygienic standards, possess valid driver’s licenses and can pony up their fair share of the gas money.

ROAD RULES
When road tripping, democracy is key. Then again, the owner of the car or whoever placed their credit card down to rent said vehicle can always veto any democratic decisions.

Voting is warranted for all vehicle stops, deviations of itineraries, adding of passengers, running of roadblocks, passing of gas and flashing of body parts. Music choice, however, is not one of mob rules. When it comes to the airwaves, the driver is the ultimate DJ.

Smokers can wreak havoc on any road trip. If the car’s owner/renter lights up, then you are again at their mercy. Smoking kills but so do high-strung smokers who spend five hours in a cramped car without getting a fix!

Driving takes place in shifts. It is best to grab the wheel for the first leg of any road trip for several reasons. First of all, this is the most familiar stretch of highway. It is also rare that anyone in the car sleeps during the initial two hours of an extended journey. Shotgun is obviously the best seat to have. Gunners rule the route by navigating. Furthermore, co-pilot duties require that the shotgunner stay up at all times in order to keep the driver awake, alert and in good spirits.

Speaking of shotgun, never drink beer on a road trip. Aside from the social stigma associated with this practice, it causes one’s bladder to fill at a disproportionate rate. If an individual must consume alcohol while traveling, choose a distilled spirit and do so in the back seat far from the driver. Also remember not to be a minor when you drink.

You can’t make good time when you are constantly making pit stops. But when nature calls you can’t put ‘em on hold. Pulling over to take a leak is always a quick and immediate solution. But be careful! Do not get caught by the police doing this—seriously. In states like California, three convictions for public urination labels a person as a sex offender in the eyes of the court.

Speaking of the fuzz, the long arm of the law flexes its muscle most often on our nation’s interstate highway system. Blue lights in the rearview mirror have been the ruin of more road trips than defective Goodyear tires, oil embargos, exploding gas tanks and fast food-induced flatulence. Many violations such as inspection, registration, faulty equipment, illegal tints, transporting minors across state lines and armed robbery are selectively enforced meaning that a cop has the option of making a judgment call and letting you off with a warning. Never slam on the breaks when you spy a cop—all this does is make you look suspicious. Anyone with active warrants needs to notify the driver before embarking on any journey. (Like this is ever going to happen.)

With the imminent openings of Killington, Mammoth, Loveland and other areas, road trip season will soon be in full swing, so dust off that deck, posse up and put the pedal to the metal because a road that doesn’t lead to snow is nothing but a road to ruin!