Grenade Games 4: Part 1

In the spirit of Colonel Killgore I stood defiant in the face of the intense snowball melee. I was on the sidelines of the “Bullrider” a bystander to this Grenade Games staple. As the drunk and stoned lined up to give ‘er down the bump* course on a board sans bindings, a smile crept across my face. Just as I was coming to the realization that snowboarding can still be punk, the squarest looking rider in our ranks grabbed the conduit to carnage, a naked skate banana, by the tow-rope and stepped to the drop in point. As he was mustering the courage to push off and begin to descend the frozen field of death cookies, a faceless ruffian screeched from amongst the mob, “No fucking helmets!” Yes, snowboarding can still be punk.

The 4th annual Grenade Games went down this past weekend at June Mtn., CA. For most events the date isn’t that relevant but in the case of this particular spectacle April 20th will always mark its place on the calendar. Why? Because it is “420” bro. Have I smoked weed? Yes, but frankly it never took. In terms of snowboarding, particularly my generation, this places me within the minority, at least that is how it has always seemed. Despite my abstaining I readily acknowledge weed's place within our culture and I don’t have any prejudice against riders who partake, so long as they aren’t snowboard racers. This is the only point where I agree with the IOC.

All the hype leading up to the Grenade Games alluded to the connection between shredding and smoking and none of this was lost on the local June Lake authorities. Somehow staging every cop in the greater Sierra Nevada area on the access road to a town with maybe 200 year round residents is a justifiable use of public funds. Meanwhile a half mile away every meth runner from Reno to Riverside had free reign on the 395. Needless to say I got pulled over by the fuzz… three times in two days. Others got it even worse. Cody Rosenthal for example was stopped twice in 10 minutes! I would list everyone else who was blatantly harassed by the police in June but our server space is limited and I don’t get paid by the word.

So what is it about the Grenade Games that makes boarders from around the world routinely endure such fascist treatment yet keep coming back for more? The riding and the revelry of course. As snowboarding continues down this homogenized path to the mainstream and quickly becomes more and more like every other family activity, the reckless roots of shredding have largely been forgotten. Twenty years ago snowboarders were seen as outlaws by the ski establishment. The fact of the matter is that outlaws don’t have signature clothing lines with big box retailers or have Secret Deoderant stickers on their top sheets. Outlaws smoke weed. Outlaws get pulled over by the police. Outlaws get arrested for jumping off the roof of a base lodge. In 1991 Craig Kelly and Keith “Duckboy” Wallace made one such leap at June and ended up getting booked in Bridgeport for their actions.

While most people show up at the Grenade Games to get ripped and enjoy the show, some people do actually ride. Day one involved four separate contests. The first was the slopestyle which was cleverly titled “Dopest Style”. Jeremy Cooper and the rest of the park staff at June created some cherry features for those participants more interested in pulling tricks than tubes. How this event was judged is beyond me. I know that Danny Kass was paying attention so he gets the benefit of the doubt as far as backing up the results. Besides, Lonnie Kauk is the best park jumper I have ever seen so why would this day at his home hill be any different!

The second contest was the Zumiez Best Trick event which was held on a tiny tabletop and consisted of the Boned Age Award for the most tweaked air and the Meat Helicopter Prize which was rewarded to the best hucker. I saw Kyle Clancy do the smoothest backside 3 one foot ever. Not sure if this is what earned him the Boned honors but he deserved to win something for it. Chas Guldemond spun circles around the rest of the field to take the Meat Helicoptor deal. Again this should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever seen Chas spin.

I became personally involved in the Chinese Eyed downhill. This challenge is a full field race from the top of June to the mid mountain basin where the bbq was taking place. A hundred racers made the start. I tried to be clever and hid in the trees midrun. By the time I was out of the woods the leaders were ten yards ahead of me. Then I tried to dodge the fence at the bottom and ended up manhandling some trailside timber. For my unsportsmanlike ways I finished a respectable 20th which I probably could have done without even cheating! The good news is that the rider who I hooked up with some misty wax was Tor Ryan and he won the Chinese Eyed Downhill for the second time in three years. This makes Tor undefeated at June.

Check back tomorrow for Part 2 of the story.

*Only jocks and people from Jersey call these humps of the white stuff “moguls”. Trust me, I grew up in Killington. I know my bumps!