Fresh and Tracked with Lauri Heiskari
Don’t let the girly name or glorious golden locks fool you, Lauri Heiskari is as manly as it gets when
he’s got two-feet in his snowboard. Landing on the shores of North America as Forum’s youngest blood,
Lauri followed suit to Finnish superstars Joni Malmi and Wille Yli-Luoma, and soon made quite a name for
himself in these here United States. A recent departure from the aforementioned brand landed Lauri on
the heavy-hitting DC roster, and he can currently be sighted spinning onto rails in Stockholm and landing
waist-deep in Whistler for Whiteout Film’s 2007 release Season 4 and DC’s Mtn. Lab 1.5.
FRESH:
Going to the movies solo: This is insane. You’ll get to have some alone time so you won’t get too cranky [with] your roomies, and nobody will know what kind of Reese Witherspoon crap you are watching. Unless you get caught, and then you are just a weirdo watching a chick flick by yourself.
Music games: Guitar Hero and Singstar! The best for pre-party and after-party! Chicks are always down for singing after the bar. (If not you are a lame-o, anyways.)
Messing with your buddy’s MySpace: They leave their MySpace open, and you get right on it! Even though it’s really immature, turning your friend’s MySpace gay or just screwing with it a little bit makes your insecure self feel better and laugh every time—I swear.
Throwing money down the toilet: Literally. I know it’s stupid in retrospect, but in the moment, you feel so rich.
Pierre Wikberg: The best filmer. He has his own style, and always makes a movie fun to watch. He’s just an amazing guy to work with.
Cobra Dawgs: People who go to Mt. Hood summer camps know these hot dogs that are sold on the street. I just miss them, that’s all.
Air-Hog helicopters: These little devils are thirty bucks, and you can fly them inside, poke out an eye or two, and feel like a real captain.
Cooking for yourself: You don’t have to be the best at it, but it’s a good skill to work on. Ladies and your bros like it, and nowadays, your future wife might want to be the businessman as much as you do.
Kiddie pools: They cost nothing, are cooler than a real pool anyway, and are ideal for tanning. Oops, did I say that? I don’t do it. It’s just very bright in Finland all year long…
Companies who support you: Rare, but if you are lucky, there are still some companies who will believe in you, even if you break your pinky.
TRACKED:
Getting a fish tank if you are retarded: Get a fish tank, then go to Vegas for three days and forget to feed ’em. You’ll get fish soup! (PETA, stay away from our house. We got monkeys, too.)
Junk mail: I get so much mail from junk companies who want to surgically make my balls huge or give me twenty girlfriends. So, now me and my huge balls don’t talk to my friends anymore.
Meatheads: They always want to fight because they’re bitter that you are smaller, your pants sag, and your chick is probably cuter than theirs.
Carpet floors: Disgusting and dirty, but yet so comfy when you end up laying on them face-first.
California drivers: There’s five lanes, people. If you’re going to drive sixty, stay in the bushes on the right. And the person who hit my mirror last night? You owe me 500 bucks. But who’s bitter? Hahaha.
Customs: I feel like a criminal every time, even though I’ve got nothing to hide.
Longboards: Cool if you go to Old Man’s Beach, but do you have to sit at T Street a hundred yards further out than anyone else and be on every single wave with your weird visor hat?
Bad style: It’s not different or old-school, it’s just bad. Haha.
Cheap people: Don’t get me wrong. Be smart with your money, but please live a little or help a friend out. I’ve been to too many dinners with a handful of people and somehow we’re missing $100 from the bill.
Stepping in poop: It sucks when you smell from twenty yards away for a week straight, and your kicks just won’t be the same ever again. It’s like all your friends slept with a girl and then you made her your girlfriend. Okay, that has nothing to do with it…but that sucks, too.
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