2004 DTR - Aspen, CO

As my compadre Jeff Baker put it, "If I were Aspen, I would be shaking in my boots," referring to the treatment we received in Telluride. Well, that was completely unnecessary because they were already warm and waiting for us when we got there. The Hearthstone House: distinctive Lodging. I know we have a distinctive smell, drive a distinctive vehicle, and are distinctively different than your average snowboarder, but I was not aware of what distinctive really meant. Evidently, it means that, "Todd and Connor are still on the back nine so why don't you come in darling and warm your toes by the fire. Will it be red or white, Brie or Swiss? If there is anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask!" Now usually I am just looking for running water and a properly grounder electrical system when I splurge at the local Super 8, however, if you insist I will try the wine. "Napa Valley, you say. Splendid. Tell Margaret to move my 8 o'clock to noon, I have some new friends I must entertain."

Our ambassador to the town of Aspen was the lovely Mellisa Rhines, director of marketing and official apres-ski director. As of now she is in the lead for job of the tour contest. How must it be to greet visiting dignitaries like ourselves, set them up with posh accommodations, take them out for a night on the town, stay out all night on the high endurance challenge, then do it all over the next day? I don't know, but she must have been born with the Keith Richards gene because Aspen likes to party!

As the snow continues to fall so begins our dangerous liaison. A forbidden love affair with the town of Aspen, where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. The prick of cupids bow had hit its mark, and the sting should only itch for 2-3 weeks or until all redness and swelling are gone. At least that's what the doctor said.

Seriously, this place rules! As far as the town goes everything is right there: a Gucci store cattycorner to a thrift shop, a pizza shack next door to Merril Lynch, all located in a downtown area that should make any ski area jealous. Dinner at La Cocina's and drinks at the Red Onion are a must. Because the town is so old, with so much history, you can check outside on the sidewalk what the establishment was in 1894. So you could be having sushi at the moment, but 100 years ago you was fixin' to get fit for a new saddle at Ol' Gus Mcaw's tack shop. Add all of the different people from around the world that Aspen attracts and you have one town with a lot of character.

Here's more: You can snowboard at Aspen too. In fact, you get four particular mountains to choose from. There is Buttermilk, Snowmass, Aspen Highlands and

Aspen Mountain, all of which beckon you with their own flavor. We were fortunate enough to visit the latter two, both on powder days I might add. We ended up setting the mark early on for funnest day riding so far. It became clear to me that people don't get out and ride until around noon, most likely because of the apres good time the night before, which makes it perfect for those of us who enjoy riding powder ... all day long.

Oh yeah, we did come here to work as well. Don't think we would let Aspen escape the Snowboarder Magazine blitzkrieg. It was midweek though, and the skiers did outnumber the riders a good 5 to 1, yet I learned long ago that to loose faith means the end is near. If you gave Lucky lemons he'd probably make lemon meringue pie. It is pure magic to see the guy work. What I thought would be a challenge to give away a few magazines turned into a full-scale event. It was Skier Transformation Day, all of the skiers that were curious enough to stop by received stickers on their planks and vowed to one day give our renegade sport a chance. Soon enough we had exhausted all of our recourses and were forced to pack it up and say goodbye to all of the Euros, monobladers and born again snowriders who made this promo day such a hit.

When the time did finally come to bid our farewell I was not ready, none of us were ready. I had been so pampered all that was left was this spoiled little bitch. To see a grown man cry is a shame, the kicking and screaming didn't make it any better. Today: Aspen, tomorrow: the world.

Snowboarder Magazine's Best of Aspen:

1.The Hearthstone House
Instant winner: Best Mattress, Best Pillow, Best Blanky
Instant winner: Best Free Wine and Cheese

2.Currently in the lead for: Best place to ride powder all day with your best friends
Best overall ski town
Best Place to stay: The Hearthstone House
Best Apres-Ski